How expectations around small talk at work expose how uneven our standards of behaviour are
Jennifer Lopez is currently facing criticism for being rude on the Golden Globes red carpet toward Cole Walliser, who runs the Glambot, a high-speed camera that’s slowed down to showcase celebrities’ red carpet looks.
In a now-viral video, Cole speaks to her as she steps into position, but she doesn’t really acknowledge him, focuses on the camera, completes the shot, gives a brief wave, and leaves.
Many people have interpreted this as rude and dismissive, while others have pushed back, including Cole himself, who said he didn’t experience it as disrespectful and that it’s ultimately a work environment where people don’t have to be chatty.
That’s a critical consideration, because if you start from a systems perspective, there are good reasons not to rush to moral judgment about how friendly or polite someone appears at work.
Not everyone experiences or expresses social engagement in the same way - some people are more task-oriented, others are expending additional energy managing overload, fatigue, or anxiety.
Some come from cultural contexts where minimal small talk is normal and not coded as disrespect. Neurodivergence can also impact the capacity some have to engage in spontaneous social interaction, especially in loud or fast-moving environments.
Judgments about politeness are also uneven.
Women are more often unjustly penalised for not being warm and open.
Racial stereotypes also shape whose behaviour is read as cold or entitled rather than efficient or neutral.
These patterns don’t explain every reaction, but they do influence how quickly behaviour gets moralised as “wrong”.
However, at the same time, it’s misleading to pretend that small talk and acknowledging others in work environments don’t matter.
Being recognised when you speak affords dignity and signifies mutual respect. When someone attempts to engage and receives no acknowledgement, that can reasonably land as dismissive, regardless of intent.
Shared environments also come with a responsibility to consider impact, not only intention.
The tension is that both of these elements of this discussion are true.
Small talk has social value, and capacity and norms are uneven.
Problems arise when conversations about this collapse into extremes, with people either denying all social responsibility or treating every deviation from behavioural norms as a moral failing.
A more practical approach is proportionality and shared responsibility: recognising both the social value of small talk and the limits of what we can fairly expect from people operating across different norms and capacities.